1 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:06,399 2 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,198 3 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:14,794 but you don't ask questions 4 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:17,918 5 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,952 is a mystery 6 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:25,954 and the tides of the sea 7 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,750 what's driving me berserk: 8 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:33,197 9 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:47,351 Potatoes, garlic, lemon grass... 10 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:51,557 Lemon grass? Where will I get that from? 11 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:54,553 we'll have to have it without. 12 00:00:55,520 --> 00:01:01,152 — What are you doing up? It's 6.30! - I'm worried about tonight. 13 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:05,314 It's only your mum and dad coming for dinner. 14 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:10,509 - It's not "only" my mum and dad. — Bringing the neighbours, are they? 15 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:15,800 No, it's not that simple. We didn't see each for years. Didn't even talk! 16 00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:20,670 You've kissed and made up. You and Damien went up for the weekend. 17 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:24,549 But they've never been here before. 18 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:30,272 I've never cooked for them before. They've never met YOU before! 19 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:35,640 I'll be right by your side, won't I? What did you tell "em about me? 20 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:40,749 I said your name was Derek. That's about it, really. 21 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:45,039 With a bloke like me, that's all you need to know. 22 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:48,158 What are you gonna do us to eat? 23 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,834 Lamb noisettes in red wine and cognac. 24 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,197 Don't fuss. A bacon sandwich will do. 25 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:59,639 Oh, I see, for tonight! Oh, lamb in wine! 26 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,837 Lovely jubbly! 27 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,037 — Morning, all — Morning. 28 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:08,671 You promised to get another table and proper armchairs. We can't eat there. 29 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,116 It's taken care of. 30 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:15,638 Denzil's coming later. He'll clear this and drop off the new stuff. 31 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:19,316 I don't know why you're going to this bother. 32 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:24,839 I said we'd take "em out to dinner. I'm well in with the restaurant owner. 33 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:29,995 No, this is my home. If they want me back in their lives, they have to get used to it. 34 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:33,471 Besides, "Spud—U-Like" is full every Friday. 35 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:36,200 I'll get some breakfast, then. 36 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:39,910 — OK. Can you check we've got cognac? —- OK. 37 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,913 Plenty of it. Albert, what d'you want? 38 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,913 It's early, but I'lL have cognac, too. 39 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,798 No, you old git, that's for tonight. 40 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:54,669 Tell Raquel to stop fussing about the meal 41 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,753 Don't worry. We'll all lend a hand. 42 00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:01,515 - You do the meat, I'll do the gravy. - I'll do the veg. 43 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,433 A pint of water and a bucket of cabbage! 44 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:09,595 I'm worrying about the Lift working. It broke down twice this week. 45 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:13,594 Cassandra can't climb the stairs after what she's been through. 46 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,390 — Are they coming to dinner? - I invited them, 47 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,951 — but the way they are, who knows? — They need to get out. 48 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:25,478 — Rodney's out every night! — He's got a lot on his mind. 49 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:29,998 How about Cassandra? She had the miscarriage. 50 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:34,279 She needs him there, not drinking in some pub or club. 51 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,592 She's a woman. She's stronger than Rodney. 52 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,232 I mean, I've known Rodney all his life. 53 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:48,031 He's always had a problem facing up to things that hurt him. 54 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:53,195 He walks away, pretends it isn't happening, like he's doing now. 55 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,716 Soon as he gets it off his chest, he'll be fine! 56 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,713 — (PHONE RINGS) - I'll get it. 57 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,400 Trotters' Independent Traders. 58 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:09,235 Cassandra! You're up early. Why's that? 59 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,639 You what? Oh, right. 60 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:18,110 Rodney was out last night. Didn't get home till the early hours. 61 00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:21,079 I know. You were with him! 62 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,239 Oh, yeah! 63 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,596 You talk to her! 64 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,036 - I'll take it in the kitchen. - OK. 65 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,111 Rodney needs a counter—worry. 66 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:32,793 - What? - During... 67 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:37,873 If you say "During the war" again, I'll pour this over you! 68 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,633 I wasn't going to! 69 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,076 — OK, then. — Bloody know—all! 70 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,392 - All right! I'm sorry. - Thank you. 71 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:51,390 During the 1939-1945 conflict with Germany... 72 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:58,638 ..I was on a frigate, HMS Sphinx, in the Adriatic. 73 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:02,111 The ship's crew was full of stress and fear. 74 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:06,035 No wonder, when they saw you walk up the gangplank! 75 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:11,320 Our old skipper used to allay those fears by creating a counter—worry. 76 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:15,075 One day, he said there was cholera on the ship. 77 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:20,519 — That must have cheered you all up! - It took their minds off the U-boats. 78 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:24,958 It's a good job he didn't join the Samaritans 79 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:29,717 or you couldn't get a barge under Chelsea Bridge for bodies! 80 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:34,829 He's still the same. He's even stopped seeing the counsellor. 81 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:39,312 Albert reckons we should tell Rodney there's a cholera epidemic in Peckham 82 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:43,758 — to get him out of his mood! — I said a counter—worry. 83 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:49,996 If Rodney had a friend or relative ill, he'd worry about them instead. 84 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:55,280 So when that person got better, Rodney would forget why he was first worried. 85 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:58,432 — Exactly. - It's worth a try. 86 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,479 - It has to be someone he cares for. — Damien. 87 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:06,191 — A five—year—old can't act ill - I could pretend to be ill 88 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:09,751 But how would he know the difference? 89 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,230 No, it's gotta be me. 90 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:15,392 That's him now. We'll give it a whirl 91 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,234 I'm ill, all right? Come on. 92 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:24,276 — Morning. - Morning. How's Cassandra? 93 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:28,320 — Fine, thank you. — Morning, Rodney. 94 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,716 — How are you? - I'm all right. 95 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:39,717 — Del's not very well, Rodney. - I'll go home, then. 96 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:44,192 It's all right. I might make a recovery. 97 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:50,560 — We called the doctor in last night. — Are you wondering what he said? 98 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,793 What? 99 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:59,079 He said I would live but he didn't recommend it. 100 00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:02,918 Right. 101 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:07,836 I'm worried, Rodney. Has he ever suffered with pleurisy? 102 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,992 Only when he's tried to spell it! 103 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:17,079 - I'll make a pot of tea. — OK, sweetheart. Ah! 104 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:22,069 I'lL have a cu... (WEAKLY) Ooh! Ah! Raquel, 105 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,232 can I have a cup of tea too, please? 106 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:30,110 - It's all right. I'll get it. - Thank you, Rodney. 107 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:33,238 Thank you, Rodney. Rodney, thank you. 108 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,870 Rod... The uncaring little git! 109 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:43,636 I could be dying. He doesn't care if I've got yellow fever or foot fungus! 110 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:57,634 — Rodders, what are you up to? — Cataloguing stock for the computer. 111 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:03,478 The computer? We've discussed this before. That's dangerous. 112 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:07,474 Anyone could hack in and find out what we got! 113 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:11,759 If someone hacked into our computer, the police would arrest Mr Bean! 114 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:18,918 Look, these are the entire records for Trotters' Independent Traders. 115 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:24,200 I began filing them 16 years ago, but you told me to stop it. 116 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,671 Because we don't need it. It's all up here. 117 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:32,869 Squirrels ain't got computers but they know where their nuts are. 118 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:36,795 I'm noting everything and chucking the junk out. 119 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:41,272 Be careful. One man's junk is another man's treasures. 120 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:47,516 We have Showaddywaddy LPs, a Triumph Herald tyre and an artificial Limb. 121 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:52,277 They won't make big news on the "Antiques Roadshow". 122 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:58,236 I dunno. These LPs are collectors' items. 123 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:04,271 OK, let's see if we can flog them to a one-legged Showaddywaddy freak! 124 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:08,434 If he turns up in a Triumph Herald, it's a result! 125 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,911 Look, Rodney, what is the matter with you? 126 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:15,357 — What is the matter with me? - Yes. 127 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:19,718 — Didn't anybody tell you? - Rodney, I'm sorry... 128 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:24,033 My wife went to hospital a fortnight ago and we lost... 129 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,430 Nothing's wrong. 130 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:31,276 Look, all right, Rodney, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. 131 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:36,469 A few weeks ago I dreamt that you and Damien ruled the world. 132 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:41,669 You owned companies, corporations, conglomerates everywhere. 133 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,638 - It was horrible. — Sounds OK to me. 134 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,792 Do you know what I was? A messenger. 135 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:53,272 You and Damien were presidents and chairmen and I was a bloody messenger! 136 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,637 I thought maybe it's a prophecy. 137 00:09:56,800 --> 00:10:02,273 Like when King David saw seven fat cows and seven skinny ones. 138 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:06,957 No, that just sounds like The Nags Head disco! 139 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:10,351 Get it? Seven fat cows and seven... 140 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,033 Look... 141 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:20,554 - Nothing's ever gone right for me. - I know what you mean, Rodders. 142 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:27,350 I'd love a bit of good luck, Del. Not just for me. For all of us. 143 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:32,434 Just wish something good would turn up. 144 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:37,754 So would everyone, Rodney. That's why they're all doing the Lottery. 145 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:42,198 I mean, look, if it were up to me, right, 146 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:47,480 what I'd like to do, I'd like to say... Say this was life's lucky dip, 147 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,029 I'd like to just go... 148 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:54,194 Da—da! There it is, look! That is gonna change our lives! 149 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,234 But it won't, will it? 150 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,119 Life is not like that. 151 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:08,674 Have you tried to discuss this with Cassandra? 152 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:12,435 — Just leave it. - I'm trying to help. 153 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:16,070 - You can't keep walking away from it. - I'm not! 154 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:21,599 - I'lL take the stairs. - It's here now. Don't bother. 155 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,434 I won't mention it again. 156 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:33,597 Look at the state of this. What's going on in their brains? 157 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,832 They're just a bunch of half-heads. 158 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:41,594 Look! "Del Boy is a sex machine." 159 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,752 Who'd write something like that? 160 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,431 I dunno! 161 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:56,796 "Rodney Trotter..." The lying gits! 162 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,114 What's happening? 163 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,796 It's broken down! The lift is broken down! 164 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,794 — The poxy bleedin' council! - What's up with you? 165 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:20,113 - It's broken! It ain't me. — Press the alarm button. 166 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:23,955 Eh? I'll do it. I'll press the alarm button. 167 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:29,911 It's broken! It's not working either. That's broken. Hey! Open up here! 168 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:35,553 — Two blokes trapped in the Lift! — Don't get into a lather about it! 169 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:41,238 Someone will want the Lift, find it's not working and call the engineers! 170 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:45,598 I just don't like being closed in like this! 171 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:51,392 - I never knew you was claustrophobic! - I just don't like being closed in! 172 00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:55,519 Come on, Del. Sit down on the floor and relax. 173 00:12:55,680 --> 00:13:00,311 - They'll be here soon. - Yeah, right, sit down. 174 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,916 Take it easy. Calm down. Just calm down! 175 00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:12,719 The oxygen falls to the bottom so we get cleaner air. 176 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,996 Good, good. 177 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:35,192 Your lifts are broken again. We had to carry that up 12 flights of stairs! 178 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:39,149 — Del said him and Rodney would help. — Where are they? 179 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:44,231 Listen, Raquel, it's not my fault. 180 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:48,189 Del asked me to deliver that table and store this. 181 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,714 Yes. 182 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,839 — The table and chairs are on hire. — They gotta go back 183 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,992 for a posh do at the town hall 184 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:10,156 — They're not here yet! — Give "em time. Take it easy. 185 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:12,755 Yeah, all right. 186 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,278 — Let's play a game. — Play a game?! 187 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:23,514 — Got a ball in your pocket? — A different sort of game. 188 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,274 - "I Spy". - "I Spy"?! 189 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,875 You can go first. 190 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:33,159 OK. I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with "Ww". 191 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:40,913 — Walls! — Right, that's the end of that, then! 192 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:45,074 - You choose a game. — What about "Hide and Seek"? 193 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:51,196 You're acting like a kid just "cause you're trapped in a lift. 194 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:52,680 Yes. 195 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,912 You don't know how I feel. 196 00:14:56,080 --> 00:15:01,109 I feel... I feel sort of...frightened. 197 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:04,477 - You don't know what that's like. - I don't? 198 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:08,349 How do you think I've felt for the last few weeks since Cassie... 199 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,750 since what happened? 200 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:14,356 I don't know how you've felt, Rodney. 201 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,512 well, frightened ain't the word. 202 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:23,433 — Know what I did the other night? - No, but I bet it was depressing! 203 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,479 I read my diaries from when I was a kid. 204 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,917 — See? I was right! - No, not quite. 205 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:34,995 I actually noticed moments of hope within those pages. 206 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:41,793 Not many, just an occasional oasis of promise in a desert of pessimism. 207 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:47,153 They were simple hopes, as you'd expect at that age. 208 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,278 I hoped for hairs... 209 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,279 ..do well in my exams... 210 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,636 I even hoped for a good job when I left school. 211 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,553 well, you got hairs, didn't you? 212 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,838 Think how Right Said Fred must feel! 213 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:12,472 Me and Cass were so happy, Del. 214 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:18,670 We were looking forward and all we could see ahead was a wide highway 215 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,798 and we were cruising down it. 216 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,954 All of a sudden, it came to a shuddering halt. 217 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,919 Just like this poxy Lift. 218 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:35,270 Suddenly "Happy Families" became "Dungeons and Dragons". 219 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:41,149 And I've never felt sodding pain like that in all my Life. 220 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:50,597 — Is Cassandra hurting? — Of course she is! 221 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:55,400 How do you know? You haven't talked to her about it. 222 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,678 No. And do you know why? Because... 223 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:04,950 It's almost as if...if I don't talk about it, it might not be true. 224 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,999 - But it is. - I know. But if I don't say it... 225 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,232 If you don't say what? 226 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:19,119 We lost our baby. 227 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,196 But you did. 228 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,954 And you have said it. 229 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,953 Yeah. I said it. 230 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:40,677 You just... You shield yourself from it. 231 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:47,278 I've just been lying, haven't I? 232 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,033 Yes. 233 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,272 And what about Cassandra? 234 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,034 Nah. Not her. 235 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,474 Cassandra can't tell a lie. 236 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,390 Raquel can. 237 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,439 The moment one leaves my lips! 238 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:15,032 Both those lifts have broken down. 239 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:22,513 - Is this what Del was talking about? - Yes. 240 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,559 Cassie seems so fragile. 241 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,190 I wanted to cuddle her and talk to her about it 242 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:40,070 but I was frightened I might sort of break her. 243 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,992 She's strong, Rodney. 244 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:50,550 Look, it's just a dropped stitch in life's tapestry. 245 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,599 It's what Mum used to say. 246 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,593 What do I say to her, Del? 247 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:02,398 Tell her exactly what you told me. 248 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:06,235 Leave out the bit about the hairs, if you like! 249 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:11,158 Go home now and have a heart—to—heart. 250 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:15,996 And ask her if she wants to come to dinner tonight. 251 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,676 I can't. I've got a real problem with that. 252 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:24,038 - What is it? - I'm stuck in a bloody Lift! 253 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:28,671 Oh, yeah. Let's have another look at this thing. 254 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,160 Right. 255 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:37,233 — The claustrophobia cleared up quick. - I'm over the worst. 256 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,870 Almost as quick as that flu you had earlier. 257 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:44,749 These things come and go. Here's a switch. 258 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,992 (POWER RETURNS) 259 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:55,318 You git! You stopped it! 260 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:00,432 It was the only way to make you talk. 261 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,069 Can't run away in a broken Lift. 262 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,360 You git! 263 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,000 You... 264 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,479 git! 265 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,592 Come here! Come on! 266 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:26,240 - I must have forgotten something. - Calm down. It's fine. 267 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:30,030 - You'll have a hot flush. - I'm just so nervous. 268 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:35,355 Del, please don't use your French phrases. 269 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,478 Aren't they up on the French lingo? 270 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,109 No. ..The meat! 271 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,033 I'll get the wine out the fridge. 272 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,589 Everything's going to plan. 273 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,554 Damien, don't do that! Dear, oh, dear! 274 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,360 It's only plastic. You'll break it. 275 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,478 I've made the gravy. It's in the oven. 276 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,474 — Thank you, Albert. — Damien, sit round there. 277 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,837 We go girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy 278 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,833 and Uncle Albert. 279 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,832 — (DOORBELL) — What's that? 280 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,880 - It's them! - I'lL answer the door. 281 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:18,557 Lot of good you'd have been on the Russian convoys! 282 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:27,069 Good evening. Please come in. You must be Raquel's parents. 283 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:32,792 - Yes, my wife Audrey, and I'm James. — Lovely to meet you. Follow me. 284 00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:39,752 — She did say he was older than her. - Not that much! 285 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,355 - Hi, Mum, Dad. — Darling! 286 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,113 — Nanny! Grandad! - Here comes trouble! 287 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:54,513 This is Derek's brother Rodney and his wife Cassandra. 288 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,877 — James and Audrey. — Lovely to meet you. 289 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,829 - Nice to meet you. Hello. — And this is my... 290 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,551 This is Derek. 291 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,838 Au revoir. Au revoir. 292 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:13,632 — Oh, you're Derek! We thought... — We thought you were working tonight. 293 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:18,351 Not tonight. Not on a special occasion like this! 294 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,273 I've brought a rather nice port. 295 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,512 - It's 15 years old. — Ooh, thank you. 296 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:28,560 15 years old? Watch out, it might have acne! 297 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:38,240 OK, let's get started, shall we? Start off with a nice little aperitif. 298 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,311 Right? 299 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,552 I'm knocking them bandy, aren't 1? 300 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:51,116 — Right, there's the gravy. — Good. 301 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:55,114 — Rodney, would you do the wine? — Of course. 302 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,590 — More wine, Audrey? - Thank you. 303 00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,273 James? 304 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,000 No, I'm driving back to the hotel. 305 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,357 Get a cab and collect the car tomorrow. 306 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,636 i - Well? It's up to you. 307 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:12,476 - What the hell? Pour away! — That's the spirit! 308 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:16,349 You can leave your car outside. 309 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,558 — we'll put it in the garage. - Is it not safe? 310 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,394 Not if you're attached to your wheels! 311 00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,435 So, here we go. Excuse fingers! 312 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,513 I'll get another bottle of wine. 313 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:38,039 So why don't you all, you know, chapelle and dent? 314 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:43,030 — So Albert was in the Navy? - Very much so! 315 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,795 I was in the Royal Navy. First Officer. 316 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:52,433 - You and Albert must have a chat. — After we've gone home. 317 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,638 It's going really well out there. 318 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,509 Had to open another bottle. What are you doing? 319 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:04,151 - I've made the coffee. — What? It's too early! 320 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:08,917 — They haven't finished mains yet. - It don't usually take us that long. 321 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:14,109 I know. That is because we are not golloping down a Big Mac and chips! 322 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,677 We have guests. We're taking our time. 323 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:24,438 We're savouring the food and ambience, sipping the wine and conversing. 324 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:28,514 They're having a chat between each mouthful. 325 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,798 It's sophisticated, it's civilised. 326 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:36,238 OK, don't worry. I'L whack this in the microwave. 327 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:43,036 Just a minute. What coffee did you use? 328 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,714 That jar there. 329 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,759 This ain't coffee! It's bloody gravy! 330 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:54,600 Yeah. It's not my fault, it's them jars. 331 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,752 How am I to tell the difference? 332 00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,718 I'll tell you. 333 00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:02,998 This one says "Maxwell House Coffee". 334 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,596 This label says "Oxo Gravy Granules". 335 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,832 It's a bit of a give-away, isn't it? 336 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,992 I was in a hurry and I got mixed up. 337 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,073 I'll mix you up... Wait a minute! 338 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:20,996 Wait a minute. If you've made gravy in the coffee pot... 339 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,232 what are they pouring over their dinners? 340 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,192 ~ This looks lovely. — Very nice. 341 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:33,158 Thank you. 342 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,789 — All right? — Wonderful! 343 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,073 Cushty! 344 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:46,990 They're only doing it! They're out there doing it now! 345 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:53,395 They're only pouring Maxwell bleedin" House over their lamb noisettes! 346 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,229 I don't believe you! 347 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:03,474 Not only have you sunk every aircraft carrier and battleship you've been on, 348 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,917 but now you've knackered a gravy boat! 349 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:12,835 — What can we do? - I ain't having any of it! 350 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,354 Hey! 351 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,231 — Wait for Daddy. — How long were you in the Navy? 352 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:26,430 50 years. Started in the Merchant, then the Royal, then the Merchant. 353 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:31,629 — Amazing. You must have some stories! — Oh, God, yes. 354 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,994 Sorry, couldn't get the cork out of the wine. 355 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:38,480 Del? 356 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,750 No, thank you. I'm trying to give it up. 357 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:47,436 - Not for me, dear. — Oh, you'll have some. 358 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,718 You know how you like your gravy! 359 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:00,873 Git! 360 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:08,799 — Are you a naval man, Derek? - No, I'm more of a leg man, myself. 361 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:17,593 — Dad meant were you in the Navy? — Oh, I see! 362 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:22,994 No, I wasn't actually, James. I did consider a career in the services... 363 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:28,311 - All right, Mum? - Mmm! Hmm! 364 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:31,950 - Mmm. - This is horrible! 365 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:46,434 I hope you won't be offended, darling, but I'm rather full up. 366 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:48,910 — And me. - Me too. 367 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:53,631 There's afters to come. Mandarin segments and Instant Whip. 368 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,837 - No. - No, thanks. 369 00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:00,517 All right. Well, I'll fetch the coffee. 370 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,711 — Ahoy there, Jimbo! - Morning, Derek. 371 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,156 — Rodney. — How are you? 372 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,119 Fine. Had a gippy tummy last night. 373 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:22,990 — Thanks for looking after the car. — Ah, mange tout, mange tout! 374 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,755 This is the Aladdin's Cave I've heard about. 375 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:31,437 Yes, as I said, you and I are in the same sort of business. 376 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:35,753 You're an antiques dealer and I've got some interesting things. 377 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:40,278 Yes. Well, I've a long journey. Come and visit us. 378 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,432 I will, you bet. Mind how you go. 379 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,876 What's that? 380 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:50,557 - Um, it's a gas stove. - No, I mean on top of it. 381 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:58,117 It's an old watch I got out of a house clearance years ago. 382 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:02,911 Tell you what, I've got some great Showaddywaddy LPs. 383 00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:11,111 — Good Lord! - I know, it's filthy, innit? 384 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,989 Rodney, got any WD4O0 to give it a rub up? 385 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,471 It has the name "Harrison" engraved in it. See? 386 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,632 "Harrison AD 1774". 387 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,792 How did you come by this, Derek? 388 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:28,912 Well, it was about 15 or 16 years ago. 389 00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:33,233 An old girl down Deptford way owned a pawn shop. 390 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:37,155 She died, had no family, so they sold the shop. 391 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:43,510 Her landlord asked me to clear out her house. I found that in the Loft. 392 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,679 - Is it any good? — Good?! 393 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:53,074 John Harrison was the finest watchmaker of his time, of any time. 394 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:57,711 If this is what I'm beginning to think it is... 395 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:02,158 — God, I'm shaking! - You didn't have that much to drink! 396 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:06,712 I need proof that this watch is your property. A receipt? 397 00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:11,875 We don't keep receipts. They just clutter the place up. 398 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:15,158 Do you reckon that's worth something? 399 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:18,199 Assuming it's not a copy, yes. 400 00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:22,194 16 years ago is when I started working for you. 401 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:26,911 Could we leave "This Is Your Life" to Michael Aspel? 402 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,835 I meant I used to keep files then! Hold on. 403 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,752 Hold on. 404 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,678 I've always been very keen on horology. 405 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:44,029 I thought he was too good to be true. He's gonna tell our fortune! 406 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:48,512 No, "horology™. He's an expert in watches. 407 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,877 Oh, that sort of horology. 408 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,476 I've got it! The receipt from the landlord. 409 00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,314 "For two paintings, four jugs, 410 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:03,350 "one rocking chair, one silver fob watch engraved 'Harrison™. 411 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:10,313 Good boy, Rodders. I've always told you, "Always keep the receipts." 412 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,916 — What's this? "Victorian what?"... - Thank you! Jimbo. 413 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:19,280 - I've never been so excited. — Bet Audrey had a blinding honeymoon! 414 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:26,793 — What do you think it is? - I'm too frightened to say it. 415 00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:33,115 In the early 1700s, sea captains found it impossible to plot their positions 416 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:39,037 until John Harrison invented the first accurate marine timekeeper. 417 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,875 It told seafarers exactly where they were on the globe. 418 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:46,715 He made many of them and we know where they are 419 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:50,839 except the last one, "the lesser watch", as he called it. 420 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:54,789 We have his designs, but the watch itself was never found. 421 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:58,271 People have searched for it for 300 years! 422 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:03,310 - You don't think that's it? - If it is, Rodney... God! 423 00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:06,279 Blimey! 424 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,717 Raquel's old man's been on the phone to us... 425 00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:15,669 He's showed it to some experts and it's kosher! 426 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:18,480 This watch has been missing for 300 years? 427 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:22,395 — The Harrison lesser watch. — So what is it? 428 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:28,993 It's a watch! 429 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:35,080 It's more than that. It lets you know where you are anywhere in the world. 430 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:37,993 How'd it get lost, then? 431 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,355 I don't know! It just did. 432 00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:50,152 If I hadn't realised its full value, it could have ended up anywhere. 433 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:54,518 Yeah, like chucked on top of an old gas cooker. 434 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:59,277 - It's being auctioned? — Today, 2.30, at Sotheby's. 435 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:02,432 (ALL) Ooh! 436 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,955 (TRIG) Ooh! 437 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:13,316 - So how much is it worth? — They don't know. 438 00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:17,269 Nothing like this has come up. It could be ten grand! 439 00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:19,351 - 1 - 20, maybe. 440 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:22,558 On your way back, drop by my showroom. 441 00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:26,714 I've got two lovely Skodas, five grand each! 442 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,280 You won't laugh when we come back. 443 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:34,673 So you could be famous — among watchmakers! 444 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:40,950 why not? Andy Warhol said everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. 445 00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:46,115 How can everyone be famous for 15 minutes? There's not enough time. 446 00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:53,639 No, he didn't mean everyone will be famous. He was generalising. 447 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:56,792 People are famous for a while, then disappear. 448 00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:01,193 Like René and Renata, Simon Dee... 449 00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:03,636 Or Gandhi. 450 00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:08,590 Exactly. So, you see, maybe this time, it's our... 451 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:10,593 Gandhi? 452 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:16,551 Yeah. He made one great film and then you never saw him again. 453 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:23,717 No, let's go. 454 00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:42,473 (MAN) 22,000. 24,000. 28... 455 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,359 32. 456 00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:52,797 35,000... 457 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:57,113 38,000... 458 00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:58,998 One more bid? 459 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:02,751 40,000. 460 00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:06,470 - The bid is £40,000. - Is that ours? 461 00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,951 — Don't be stupid! - 45,000. 462 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:16,349 45,000. I'm selling at 45,000. 463 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:21,594 Sold at 45,000. Paddle number 674. 464 00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:26,959 — Now we come to lot 73. — (That's us!) 465 00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:32,154 A solid silver pocket marine timekeeper. 466 00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:38,759 This was found in London by two brothers, who kept it for 16 years 467 00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:42,436 believing it to be a Victorian egg—timer! 468 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:50,359 As you will know, this is the most significant horological discovery 469 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,431 of this century. 470 00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,558 The watch has been authenticated and accepted 471 00:35:55,720 --> 00:36:00,999 as being the last watch ever made by John Harrison. It's the fabled H6, 472 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:04,915 the until now mythical "lesser watch". 473 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,879 I feel I need say no more. 474 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:12,557 I'd like to start the bidding at £150,000. 475 00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:21,158 200,000. 476 00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:24,871 250. 477 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:32,751 Oh, dear. When he said 150,000, that's when I come over real bad. 478 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:37,949 It went on, Del. 200,000, 250, three! 479 00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:43,399 — That's when I dragged you out. — It ended up at £300,000?! 480 00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:47,315 - It's still going on! — Let's get back! 481 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,234 Three and a quarter. 482 00:36:53,720 --> 00:36:57,759 The bid is in the room. Three and a half. 483 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,914 350,000 quid! 484 00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:08,196 Three and three quarters. Four. Thank you. 485 00:37:09,720 --> 00:37:13,839 The bid stands at four million pounds. 486 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:24,318 Four and a quarter... Four and a half million. 487 00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:45,639 So... 488 00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:49,352 What was the final outcome? 489 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,558 It was bought by an anonymous bidder. 490 00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:57,556 He's giving it to the Maritime Museum so it stays in the country. 491 00:37:57,720 --> 00:38:00,951 Yeah, well, that's nice, innit? 492 00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,750 No, you wally! 493 00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:10,552 What was the final score? What exactly did it go for? 494 00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:12,040 oh! 495 00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:13,520 um... 496 00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:20,994 6.2 million. 497 00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:26,316 So that's just over three million each. 498 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:33,439 Well, we've had worse days, haven't we? 499 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:34,954 Yeah. 500 00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:40,112 Do you want to go first, or shall 1? 501 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,074 why don't we go together? 502 00:38:44,240 --> 00:38:45,958 Yeah. OK. 503 00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,754 One, two, three... 504 00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:14,269 Bring the family down. Have your photo taken with it. 505 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,556 (CACKLES) 506 00:39:17,720 --> 00:39:21,998 It is beautiful, though. Luxury and style. 507 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:25,551 — Very me, don't you think? - Yeah. 508 00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,229 — Buy it. — Shall I? 509 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,233 You like it. Buy it! 510 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:37,199 No, no, no. Not until that cheque is cleared. 511 00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:40,955 This whole deal could go pear-shaped. 512 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:45,637 It's Sotheby's and the Greenwich Museum, not Ronnie and Reggie! 513 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:52,471 I know. But if this goes tits up, I'm landed with a 70—grand debt. 514 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:55,359 Yeah, I take your point. 515 00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:59,150 Sit in a nice car. See if it suits you. 516 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,034 All right, then! I will 517 00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:05,991 Yes, my son! 518 00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,310 Oh, yes! 519 00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:15,951 That Rolls—Royce there. I wanna buy it. 520 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:22,832 That's a good "un, Rodney! Tell me, what drugs are you on this week? 521 00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:29,233 (CACKLES...) 522 00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:42,759 A-hem! 523 00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:46,117 There you go! 524 00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:47,679 It's yours. 525 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:52,830 - You what? — The Roller's yours. 526 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,038 I just bought it for you. 527 00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:01,320 You bought this Roller for me? 528 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:03,720 why? 529 00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:06,756 Little present. 530 00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,719 Just to say thanks. 531 00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:39,875 (GENIAL CHATTER) 532 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:02,916 (PUB FALLS SILENT) 533 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,549 Yes, sir, what can I get you? 534 00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:05,354 Champagne all round. 535 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:15,073 I've gone and left our wallets at home again! 536 00:43:15,240 --> 00:43:19,598 - Sir, that is not a problem. — On the slate, Mike? 537 00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,434 On the house, Del. 538 00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:28,195 No, Michael, we'll pay our way. 539 00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:31,398 And we'll have all your sandwiches. 540 00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:33,995 - I'll get "em. — I got some money here. 541 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:39,394 No, I'lL get the sandwiches 'cause you bought the Rolls! 542 00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,196 543 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:02,991 544 00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,630 545 00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:11,599 546 00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:15,151 547 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:19,632 548 00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:25,352 549 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:28,638 550 00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:34,950 551 00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:39,474 552 00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:42,473 Yes! 553 00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:48,277 554 00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:53,233 555 00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:57,633 556 00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:03,876 557 00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:11,037 558 00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:14,397 (SHIP'S HORN BLOWS) 559 00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:23,871 a very, very, very fine house 560 00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:27,192 561 00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:30,910 562 00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:36,154 563 00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:09,154 564 00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:12,517 565 00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:15,718 566 00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:19,711 567 00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:24,670 568 00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:34,757 569 00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:40,959 570 00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:43,680 571 00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:48,869 572 00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:40,715 (WOMAN) Del Boy! It's time to get up. It's 7.30! 573 00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:44,991 All right, Mum. 574 00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:48,039 It's your fault if you got a hangover. 575 00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:52,956 You can't have today off. You're taking your H-plus! 576 00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:03,191 (MAN) I never raised a hand to your mother, except in self-defence. 577 00:48:11,240 --> 00:48:15,120 (GRANDAD) Your dad always said that Del would reach the top. 578 00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:20,070 He also said that one day Millwall would win the Cup! 579 00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:43,591 AlL right? 580 00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:47,833 Yeah. What are you doing here? 581 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:51,834 Raquel phoned. Said you'd gone missing. 582 00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:57,439 I said, "Wait for the ransom note to arrive." She said, "Go and find him." 583 00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:00,433 I guessed you'd be here. 584 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:04,719 Just taking one last look at the old place. 585 00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:08,669 Funny, just think of all them years. 586 00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:11,878 Us scrimping and scraping. 587 00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:14,475 Going out at all hours 588 00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:19,316 trying to earn a few bob to put some grub on the table. 589 00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:24,475 And all the time down in that garage we had this famous thing 590 00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:27,075 worth six million quid. 591 00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:31,512 It had crossed my mind, and all! 592 00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:33,759 Still... 593 00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:41,395 — Put the flat on the market yet? - No, not yet, no. 594 00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,552 No, I just didn't have the heart to. 595 00:49:44,720 --> 00:49:49,157 You know, when you think about Mum and Grandad. 596 00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:53,152 Yeah, I'll do it in a couple of weeks. 597 00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:56,312 I'll give it to some estate agent. 598 00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:59,438 I'll let them have the carpet. 599 00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:06,399 Yeah. They won't mind. 600 00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:11,430 Talking about that, I called into the travel agents the other day. 601 00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:17,073 Booked us all a holiday in Barbados. It's all right, it's my treat. 602 00:50:17,240 --> 00:50:20,119 Nice! Flying first class? 603 00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:24,113 — Concorde. — Even better. 604 00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:32,198 Shame about Albert's boat, wasn't it? 605 00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:39,754 Stupid place to put a bridge, wasn't it? 606 00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:43,914 I thought that. Right over a river like that. 607 00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:49,759 — So how are you? - Me? 608 00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:52,912 Oh, I'm... You know, wonderful! 609 00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:56,038 Everything's coming up roses. 610 00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:59,999 All right, what's wrong? 611 00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:08,240 I always wanted to be a millionaire, Rodney. 612 00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:13,631 I always wanted a Rolls—Royce and a big house in the country 613 00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:16,758 and jet off to the Caribbean and all that. 614 00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:19,116 You've got it! 615 00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,191 I know. 616 00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:24,671 But it's not like I thought it would be. 617 00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:26,831 You know? 618 00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:33,269 All the dreaming and the scheming and the chasing and the trying... 619 00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:36,955 ..that was the fun part. 620 00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:42,399 It was like, it was dangerous. It was impossible! 621 00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:48,516 It was like Columbo sailing away to find America... 622 00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:59,358 ..not knowing whether he was gonna fall off the edge of the world. 623 00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:03,153 That's how I used to feel 624 00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:06,517 You fell off a couple of times! 625 00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:08,000 Yeah! 626 00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:12,199 Once a month, bruv. Once a month, regular. 627 00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:17,753 Now I've... Now I've done it, achieved what I wanted... 628 00:52:19,720 --> 00:52:22,758 ..the chase, you know, it's finished. 629 00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:26,874 The hunt is over. 630 00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:32,634 What am I gonna do now? Learn to play golf? 631 00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:37,875 Well, you got the trousers for it, at least! 632 00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:42,078 why not just enjoy your retirement? 633 00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:46,152 I don't want to enjoy my retirement! 634 00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:50,318 I wanna feel like I used to feel, 635 00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:53,279 all eager and alive. 636 00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:57,479 You know, I want something exciting to happen. 637 00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:05,550 Dear, oh, dear! What are you doing? I thought you was a ghost! 638 00:53:05,720 --> 00:53:09,793 — Never did manage this haunting lark! — Why are you here? 639 00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:13,316 Never mind us! What are you doing here? 640 00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:16,472 I came back for some of my belongings. 641 00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:21,555 I wanted a last look at the flat before you sell it. 642 00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:27,118 Well, we've had a good look, eh? 643 00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:30,079 Come on, let's lock up and go. 644 00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:39,998 (PHONE RINGS) 645 00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:45,075 We must have forgot to tell British Telecom we'd gone. 646 00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:48,039 Hello? 647 00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:51,192 Who? Oh, hello, Lennie! 648 00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:54,273 How you doing, pal? All right? 649 00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:56,033 Lennie Norris. 650 00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:58,753 Do what? 651 00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:00,752 Really? 652 00:54:00,920 --> 00:54:02,752 Hang on. 653 00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:07,869 Listen, he's got 250 electronic carpet steamers, right? 654 00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:11,715 Listen, they retail at 115 quid. 655 00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:14,520 He'll let us have "em for 25 nicker. 656 00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:18,352 We're not in the business any more! 657 00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:24,709 I know. Rodney, we can double our money on this! 658 00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:29,630 Derek, can you hear me over those trousers? 659 00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:37,833 We're not in the business any more, mate. 660 00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:43,557 Lennie? 661 00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:47,079 No, we're not interested. 662 00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:53,595 Trotters' Independent Traders has ceased trading. 663 00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:56,633 Bonjour. 664 00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:04,152 (DEL) Oh, well. 665 00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:09,520 Tell you what. Fancy going to the Golden Dragon for a Chinese? 666 00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:14,959 - Yeah, I'm a bit peckish. - I could do with a sweet and sour. 667 00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:18,076 All right, then. 668 00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:24,437 Tell you what, Rodders. Let's leave the cars here, shall we? 669 00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:26,796 Yeah, all right. 670 00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:31,317 Mange Dieu! 671 00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:34,518 Mange Dieu! 672 00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:38,196 — What a fool I've been! - What's wrong now? 673 00:55:38,360 --> 00:55:44,231 Here I am thinking now we've got all this money that means the end of it. 674 00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:47,518 But it don't! It's like the beginning! 675 00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:53,719 Because for the first time in our lives, we've got money to invest! 676 00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:56,554 - No! — Dangerous business, investment. 677 00:55:56,720 --> 00:56:01,430 Rodders, all those years you said we should be investing. 678 00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:04,558 - I never said that. - It must be me, then. 679 00:56:04,720 --> 00:56:09,999 One of us got it right. Now we can invest big time in the futures market. 680 00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:13,516 We can get into Hong Kong, Singapore, Peking! 681 00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:16,479 I don't want to invest, all right? 682 00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:19,632 Rodders, have I ever let you down? 683 00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:21,757 - Yes! — When? 684 00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:25,959 You told me I'd won a holiday in a painting competition, 685 00:56:26,120 --> 00:56:30,956 but forgot to mention that for the week I'd have to pretend to be 14! 686 00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:33,839 That's always been your problem! 687 00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,992 You're always dwelling on the past. 688 00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:41,711 - Mum said on her deathbed... — Don't you start on about that! 689 00:56:41,880 --> 00:56:44,156 She said to me on her deathbed, 690 00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:49,076 "If you and Rodney become rich, you must invest in the futures market." 691 00:56:49,240 --> 00:56:53,074 Liar! There wasn't a futures market when Mum was alive! 692 00:56:53,240 --> 00:56:56,790 That shows you how visionary she was! 693 00:56:57,520 --> 00:57:00,512 Come on, Rodney. This is our chance! 694 00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:03,149 He who dares wins. 695 00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:07,393 This time next year, we could be billionaires! 696 00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:17,630 and miles and miles of carpet tiles 697 00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:20,679 698 00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:23,559 what's—their-names and at a push 699 00:57:23,720 --> 00:57:26,678 from a mush in Shepherd's Bush 700 00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:29,354 Bush, Bush, Bush 701 00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:32,478 702 00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:35,758 703 00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:38,673 704 00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:43,471 705 00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:46,393 706 00:57:46,560 --> 00:57:49,393 707 00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:52,120 708 00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:55,671 709 00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:58,958 710 00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:02,317 711 00:58:03,640 --> 00:58:05,472